I Understand
by Captain Frankle
Summary: Magnus understands Tessa. He knows how it feels to watch as memories fade. *CLOCKWORK PRINCESS SPOILERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED*


"What even is that?' asked Tessa, turning her head to the side in order to _try _to decipher the array of splattered colours on the canvas before her.

"It's a rabbit,' Magnus said, acting offended, 'See, there is the head, the tail, the cute floppy ears! It has everything that makes it a rabbit!"

Tessa gave him an unbelieving-stare, her mouth turned at the corners as if she was resisting the urge to just laugh. Magnus had spent the past few hours painting his 'masterpiece' and now it was being shot down. Not that he was that bothered; he had never been a natural painter.

"Well, I suppose it could be an interpretation of a rabbit?' Tessa suggested, 'An expressionist approach perhaps."

Magnus chuckled.

"Tessa, I know that I can't paint, it is no great loss on my part if you can not understand my paintings,' he said, turning back to his canvas, 'What I really need to a brush that can paint masterpieces itself."

Tessa rolled her eyes.

"How is that art? That is laziness."

"No-one needs to know,' replied Magnus, turning towards his current roommate, 'Merely a sprinkle of magic over this canvas and I could create a masterpiece."

Tessa just smiled and walked over to the kitchen where a pan was sizzling on the stove.

It had not taken Magnus a long time to get used to the girl living in his apartment in Paris. It had been a surprise when she turned up on his doorstep with no explanation of why she was alone or how she had found him but he could guess; Watching those you loved die around you was a hard thing to do, something that mortals could only experience for a brief amount of time, not an eternity. Magnus understood. As he had said to her, all those years ago, the first one is always the hardest.

When she first arrived, she did nothing but sit still, her eyebrows furrowed and a look of sadness that made Magnus want to wrap her in a blanket and make sure no-one ever hurt her again. He made her food but she never ate. He let her sleep in his own bed while he slept on a mattress but found himself lying awake as she wandered round the house, small sobs escaping from her lips every now and then. Seeing his awful paintings had been the turning point.

Magnus knew he was not a natural painter, but with eternity stretching out before him, he figured that he had plenty of time to learn. He was attempting a bowl of fruit one morning when Tessa had emerged from his room, one of his borrowed shirts draping off her body like a baggy dress while a blanket was wrapped tightly around her shoulders and dragging behind her like a long cape.

"I didn't know you could paint Magnus,' she said, curiously.

"There's a difference between painting and being able to pain Tessa,' he said, leaning back from his work, trying to figure out why his orange looked like a pineapple and why his pineapple looked like a melon.

Tessa had squinted at the painting for a while.

"That's a good apple,' she said, pointing at the painting.

"...That's a banana Tessa,' Magnus said.

At that, Tessa began to laugh. It was a slightly croaky sound, as if the part of her that usually produced the action was covered in dust, but soon she was bent double, tears in her eyes. Magnus felt a spark of happiness rise up in him and soon he was clutching onto his sides, trying to control himself.

After that, the Tessa he had known seemed to wake up. She talked with Magnus about general things; the happenings in the Mundane world, listening to his (sometimes exaggerated) tales of his travels, his latest 'works of art'. It was easy to talk during the day. Night was still a different affair, but he could not protect her from her dreams.

Shaking his head, Magnus turned his head to the girl with her head over the stove.

"What are you cooking?' he asked, walking to where Tessa was stirring the sizzling pan.

"Chicken,' she replied, taking a pinch of salt and sprinkling it carefully over the meat.

"I love your cooking,' Magnus said, inhaling the delicious scents from the food, 'It's not often that I get home cooked meals."

"Yes, well I've had plenty of time to practice,' she said, smiling, 'This used to be James'-"

Tessa suddenly stopped, her throat closing up at the thought of her eldest son. Magnus watched as he eyes glazed over for a second, the memories encompassing her thoughts. Finally, she seemed to shake herself of those thoughts and let out a breath she seemed to have been holding.

"Yes, it's a really nice meal."

That evening, they ate in silence, each person lost in their own thoughts. As soon as the food was done, Tessa excused herself and went to her room. Magnus tidied the room then sat down at his easel to paint, not really considering the brushstrokes or what he was doing at all. It was around half eleven when he heard a scream from his room.

Knocking over his painting in his haste, he ran towards the sounds, throwing open the door. Tessa was writhing on the bed, clutching at her jade pendant, the one Jem had given her, crying out.

"Will, no, don't leave me, please,' she shouted, he throat letting out ragged breaths in between words and eyes tight.

Magnus ran over to the bed and shook Tessa's shoulders.

"Tessa, it's a dream, it's ok,' he said, feeling a slight relief as the shouting became a whimpering instead, 'It's ok."

Tessa opened her eyes, tears leaking freely from them now.

"I-it's not ok Magnus,' she whispered, her voice cracking, 'He...He's gone...and I'll never see him again. It's not fair..."

Tessa fisted her hands into Magnus' shirt, catching some of the skin. Ignoring the slight sting, Magnus wrapped his arms around the girl, trying to give as much comfort as he could. He had never been great at this sort of thing.

"Shh,' he whispered, 'It's ok Tessa. Will may be gone, but you'll always remember him. Even if just by name, he will live on in your heart, and in your mind."

Tessa let out a large sob, startling Magnus slightly.

"I am already forgetting him,' she whispered, 'His hands, his stance, his eyes, they're already fading. I can see them, but the important things, the insignificant details that made him so special, they're dissolving. I don't think I can take it."

Magnus inhaled a large breath, rubbing his hand up and down Tessa's back. He had lied, it was true. He could barely remember anything about some of his past lovers, the ones from centuries ago. They were all shapes and letters that he supposed were their names, hanging on at the very fringe of his memories.

"There is nothing we can do,' he whispered to Tessa, 'We can only hope that one day we will find a love as great as our first one."

Tessa's crying softened a little and she took her hands away from his shirt, looking up into his cat-like eyes.

"I hope so,' she said, leaning close to Magnus, dangerously close.

The atmosphere had shifted. Tessa lifted her hand up to Magnus' face, cupping it and stroking a thumb over his cheek. Slowly, she leaned forward, pressing her lips to his. Magnus remained still, frozen in place by the contact. He had not expected this. Soon, Tessa began to move her lips against Magnus', slowly at first but growing more desperate as he didn't respond.

"Magnus,' she breathed against his mouth, 'Please. You understand me. Comfort me."

Hesitantly, Magnus leant in and pressed his lips against hers once more. The kisses were not filled with love and passion, but were instead needy and rushed. More than once, Magnus heard Tessa breath 'Will' into their kiss, but he did not need to be there to remind her of what she was missing. He needed to be there to help her forget.

Magnus awoke to sun streaming through a small gap in his curtains. He could not remember falling asleep but judging by the aching tiredness he felt now, it had not been too long ago. Turning to the side, he opened his eyes a little, squinting at the light penetrating the darkness of his room. There was a dent in the covers still, indicating that Tessa could not have left that long ago. Shifting his body, he breathed a sigh of relief when he realised he was still fully dressed. His memories of the night before seemed to be limited. He remembered lips and hands and touching, but they were all hazy thoughts, nothing defined. Staggering to his feet, he left the room.

Tessa was at the dining table, fully dressed, scribbling on a roll of paper. She heard Magnus' footsteps and turned, a blush on her face.

"Good morning,' Magnus said, feeling a wave of annoyance rush over him at the hurried goodbye note Tessa now seemed to be trying to hide, 'Running away so soon?"

Tessa flushed a deep red.

"I am truly sorry for my actions last night,' she said hurriedly, her voice determined, 'I...I was going to leave before you awoke, but it seems that I am unable to do that now."

Magnus sighed and frustratedly rubbed his face.

"it's fine, we should just forget,' Magnus said, trying to reinforce his words with a small smile at her, 'We all wish to be comforted in our darkest moments."

Magnus thought this would resolve the issue, but he was wrong.

"But...but that was not how a lady should behave!' she shouted suddenly, 'I am a disgrace!"

Tears had begun leaking out of her eyes now. She had cried so much recently thought Magnus.

"I have disgraced the memory of those I loved,' she cried, 'I can't believe it."

She sunk to the floor, crying into her hands. Magnus walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder, not withdrawing it when she flinched.

"Tessa,' he started, 'Don't worry."

She looked up at his face, the same way she had done the night before.

"I understand you. You don't need to worry about me,' Magnus affirmed, his eyes staying on hers.

They stared for minutes before Tessa's eyes filled with more tears and she pulled Magnus towards her, wrapping her arms around him.

"I'm so sorry,' she whispered, over and over again.

"It's ok,' he said, smiling and pulling away, 'Now let's get those tears wiped away. I think we need a holiday. How does New York sound?"

Tessa let out a watery laugh.

"Great,' she said, pulling herself to her feet and wiping her face with her fingertips, 'It would be good to go back."

Magnus smiled at her once more, ignoring the tiny flutter in his heart at her positive response.

"Brilliant,' he replied, 'We better start packing! I doubt I could fit all my favourite suits into one suitcase, but I can damn well try!"

**A/N: I finished reading Clockwork Princess last night and cried all over it. The ending was so bittersweet, but perfect for what it was. I don't really know where this story came from, I figured that Tessa would be happy to find someone who understood. Hope you liked it :) Let me know your opinion :3 Or if you want to talk about the tragedy that is The Infernal Devices: I need someone to fangirl with XD - CF**


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